Back to the drawing board (I).

22 December. Sunday. Midnight. Was drifting into dreamland, ready to put the day behind me, ready to start another day (and week) afresh, when was summoned by an SMS and follow-up phone call to contemplate the meaning of happiness and life.

The year-end makes us contemplative of what we have and could have done; how we have and could have lived our lives.

And then, there are the unhappy people; in spite of having a job in this economic uncertainty; even though they are married and will not have to spend Christmas or New Year's Eve "alone"; even though they still have the mental faculty to choose how to live their lives.

Perhaps the world, in spite of having more than it ever had, is becoming increasingly unhappy. In our pursuit for that elusive meaning in our individual lives and that of life in general, have we lost our bearings and our selves? Have we become blinded in our bid to keep up with the Joneses? Are we in an existential crisis?

Have we been running after the wrong dreams, the 5 C's, those dictated to us by society? Have we been running in the wrong direction, further and further away from our selves -- when all we have to do is to look within ourselves for happiness and the meaning of our existence, and not at external sources. Even for some of us who look to religion, it is said, God already resides within each of us. Is that why in spite of all we have, we are still unhappy?

In the human race's bid to exercise its creativity and answer the question to the meaning of life by recreating it, have we instead made an artificial reality which falls painfully short?

The most elegant solution is usually the simplest one. Perhaps the answer to the meaning of life is really a very simple one. And one that can be found within ourselves.

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This Christmas, have not made any attempts to spare myself the bittersweet memories and pain of having to spend it without a loved one. Don't see how losing myself in deliberate activity is constructive to my psyche long-term. Been almost indulgently oblivious most of the week, except for the occasional bouts of heartache and bitterness, which is pretty much how I've been the past few months. And I think that's fine.

Have also been reflecting and thankful that have not lost myself in the midst of the past half year. Am now looking forward to the new year, a week away by the English calendar, and a mere month away by the Chinese calendar -- the Year of the Sheep is supposedly in the favour of the Rat. Time flies, doesn't it?

So, do you believe in cosmic influences?